Sunday, August 16, 2009

Words, Part 2

I hadn't intended to do a Part 2 to Wounding Words, Healing Words (as indicated by the fact that it's not labeled Part 1!). But I had a "revelation" of sorts earlier today and I wanted to share it.

Kayleigh and I play this little "game" where she says "I love you" and I say "I love you too" and she says "I love you more." Sometimes I follow THAT up with "Uh UH." and sometimes I just let it go.

But here's the crux of that conversational game. Of course she doesn't love me more. I've been a daughter and a mom and as much as I love my parents, I SO love my children "more." Kayleigh, at 3 years old, does NOT understand that. Of course she doesn't. She has no context for it. Just like someone who has NOT lost a child has NO context for some of the things they say. If I can not hold Kayleigh responsible for her assumption that she loves me "more", how can I hold these well-intentioned people who love me accountable for their ignorance?

When Seth died, Cary said he wanted to pick out flowers for the grave. On the day of the visitation at the funeral home, Cary, Sean & I showed up first at a local florist with a set amount of money to spend, looking for flowers for Seth's casket. I was so awkward and I remember telling the florist "I don't know, I've never done this before." She said "Thank God for THAT." Seriously, if my friends, loved ones, don't know what to say because they have never done this before, thank God for THAT!


Steph said...

Very insightful. It's true--people who haven't been through it can't possibly imagine what it's like, but you really don't want them to be able to understand, either.

Melissa said...

So true. It's something I tell myself as I feel "alone" in that not many people at can understand where I am coming from. But I am glad for that. And I remind myself that not many people can understand where I am when they say awkward things to me.

KatScarlett said...

Okay first I have to say that picture of you and Kayleigh together is so beautiful it took my breath away. I don't know what it is about it... or maybe I do... the sweet loving innocence of that smile of her little face looking at her Mommy adoringly in the way that only small children can. Oh it just melts my heart. I love that pic.

Second, beautifully stated. I hope I'm not one of those people that says hurtful things to you, but I'm guessing almost everyone does at some point, me included. God bless your forgiving and understanding spirit.