Disney Daze

We have been in Disneyland!! We are so blessed to have friends and family who felt it was important for us to get to do something fun. When we were in the hospital with Seth, I told Leland that no matter how things turned out, we NEEDED to do something fun with our "big kids". This became known as our "life affirming vacation". I think it proved to the kids, and myself, that life WILL go on and we WILL be okay.

In addition to just experiencing the WARM weather in southern California (and it's SNOWED at home!), we were blessed to experience true Disney magic. We were able to visit the park for a couple of days courtesy of a Disney employee who's a "friend of a friend". We were also instructed to check in to City Hall on Wednesday morning (our first day in the park). Upon checking in, we recieved a small package. It included a letter that shared a bit about the magic awaiting us, and mouse ears with Seth's name on them! I was so touched by that.. I wanted Mouse Ears for Seth because when I explained to Sean how we could afford this trip (on the generosity of others, trying to help us feel better after losing Seth, and no doubt listening to God), Sean said "So in a way, Seth gave us this trip?". Yes, buddy, Seth gave us this trip and what better way to memorialize it than Mouse Ears for Seth!

So what other kind of magic did we experience? Well, I'm so glad you asked! We recieved a "Magic Pass" for the Finding Nemo submarine ride. This was the ride Kayleigh had been most looking forward to. We rushed over there Wednesday right after rope drop and a very sweet cast member walked us to the front of the line AND joined us on the ride. She filled us in on all kinds of fun facts & trivia regarding the Nemo ride and the old submarine ride, showed us the Hidden Mickey and generally increased our atomosphere of fun. After Nemo, we headed over to it's a Small World and then straight over to Mark Twain where arrangements were in place for us to ride in the Wheel House. Sean, Cary & Kayleigh got to "steer" the big ol' Riverboat and even pull the bells & whistles! The rest of Wednesday was on our own and relatively uneventful.

Thursday & Friday we explored the parks some more. Spent time hauling Kayleigh on rides that were "too scawy for me", poor girl! Friday afternoon, we had preferred seating for the Pixar Play Parade which was an AWESOME perk and after that we were joined by some friends in the park. We got to have fun with them Friday evening and all day Saturday. Sunday was our last day in the park and we had lunch at Princess Ariel's grotto, the best part of which was the YUMMY desserts!

We had more adventures that I may share later. Overall, our Disneyland trip was a HUMONGOUS success and we are following it up with a day or two at my sister's home. We are indeed blessed!

Walk with me Wednesday - Down Memory Lane

So here it is. The post I've been putting off for over a week. (Two weeks?) It's probably gotten a WAY bigger build up than it deserves. One of the things I'm learning is that sharing the memories of what happened with Seth, the good and the bad, accomplishes a couple of different things for me. It validates and affirms those things happening (especially the good). Some of the negative gets blown up in my head and sharing it helps me to keep it in perspective.. and validates it as well. I shared a negative memory in an email today and was blessed to be encouraged and discover I was not alone in my feelings. But today's memory is a POSITIVE.

I want to share about the last few minutes we spent with Seth. Not before he died but the last time we had with the SETH we had come to know and love during the time we had him at home. Seth was admitted to the hospital the night before his second surgery. Leland and I, taking advantage of the "free" babysitting (my mom was at our house with our three "big" kids and Seth was well cared for by the nurses), decided to have dinner out. A belated birthday dinner for me and an early birthday dinner for Leland. When we got back to the hospital, a couple of our friends, Karen & Cathey, had come up to see us and we're cuddling on Seth. I was glad that he'd had that time and had been loved upon by others in our absence! Here's a picture of Karen & Seth. Can't you just see how much he adored her? Mind you, he knew her voice, she screamed at my belly for MONTHS! She loved him too.



Leland and I hung out with our baby boy for awhile and headed home. The next morning we were up at the hospital early to make sure we saw Seth before surgery. We followed him down to surgery in the elevator.

Once we arrived in the surgery triage area, we had quite a few minutes to wait. During that time, I held Seth. I did that thing you do with babies, you know, when you hold them up facing you? Seth was sitting on my lap. I held him under his arms (knowing I wouldn't be able to do that for weeks post op due to his sternum being opened) and spent LOTS of time kissing him on the neck and under his chin. You know, when you're holding a baby, facing you, and you kiss him on that spot just under his jaw? I spent lots of time doing THAT. Seth was JUST starting to figure out expressions. He wasn't quite to giggling but he did this squealing thing, more like when you inhale rapidly with your mouth open and it makes a squeaking noise. So I'm kissing his neck, he's squeaking, we're giggling at each other. It's one of those moments that I keep telling myself I'm going to remember forever. So often at home I didn't take the time to do that. I was so busy with Seth's needs and the other kids, etc. I'm glad that I made a point to do something sweet and memorable while we were waiting..

I don't have pics of ME doing that but I do have my mom demonstrating the above described technique. (Just in case you haven't figured out what I'm talking about). You can see the joy in Seth's face. He LOVED to be kissed upon like that.



Shortly after those sweet moments, the anesthesiologist came to get Seth. His daddy and I told him we loved him and gave him goodbye kisses.. I remember starting to cry and saying "I know, he'll be fine but I'm his mom and I'm allowed to be emotional." Of course, he wasn't fine, ever again after that. As much as we miss him, he's more than fine now in Heaven and we're left to cherish and be grateful for the special moments we DO have.

To read other people's precious memories, check out Lynnette's blog, "Dancing Barefoot on weathered ground".

In Other Words Tuesday

Take the first step. I have a very good friend who went to law school as a single mom (of three!). To say that was difficult would be an understatement. I was blessed to be able to encourage her during those challenging days. One of the things I would tell her regularly was "do the first thing first". Law school won't be finished TODAY. The whole project doesn't have to be done TODAY.

Faith is like that. I'm not going to figure it all out. Likely EVER but most definitely not TODAY. I don't have to. As a matter of fact, I'm not supposed to. I just have to take the first step. Do the first thing.

It would probably not surprise anyone to hear that God and I have wrestled a bit lately. (Well, I've wrestled... I'm not quite sure what God's done but I'm fairly sure it's not wrestle back..). I am INCREDIBLY grateful to have been where I am on this faith journey as we walked the road with Seth. (I wouldn't be this far, if I hadn't taken the first step!). Sometimes, it feels like I've gone a little backward. Lately, I feel a little more insecure and lost than I used to. Sometimes, I can't see the first step, let alone the whole staircase. Do you know what I"m learning to do?

Take the first step. I'm praying, I'm leaning into God. I can NOT, as much as I want to, do this alone. And I absolutely can NOT climb the whole staircase. All I can do is move one foot forward, lift it a little and take the FIRST Step.

And you know what? That's all I have to do. I"m so grateful.

Click here to see what others have to say about this great quote.

Not Me! Monday

Better late than never, right? (I'm trying to get back on this blogging bandwagon).

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

So this week, I did NOT break our dishwasher. By falling. And landing on the door. Which was wide open. If I HAD done that, I would certainly NOT have done it because I was in a snit and annyed with my husband. And my dear husband would certainly NOT have made me feel even more guilty by saying "It's okay, honey, you broke it but at least it broke your fall." Uh Uh. Not ME. Not at our house.

I did NOT spend most of yesterday (Sunday. A day of rest and reflection. A day that's SUPPOSED to be dedicated to our Lord) in a sublime state of crabbiness. If I HAD done that, I would certainly NOT have followed it up by exhibiting the same irrational crankiness tonight. Uh uh. Not ME. Not at our house.

I have not created a 2 (almost 3, ack) year old tyrant at our house over the last three days. Of course, if I HAD created one, it would NOT be justified by the fact that she's been feverish and suffering with a double ear infection and I was so happy to see her intake ANYTHING that I let her eat popsicles at something like 6 o'clock in the morning. Uh uh. Not ME. Not at our house.

Of course, if all those above things HAD happened at our house (hypothetically speaking of course) I would know that it's because my "humanness" is showing and I would be greatful that His mercies are new every morning and tomorrow I get to start over. Uh HUH. THAT I will take at our house!

Just checking in

So, it's been awhile. Again. People keep talking about this "new normal" and I guess I just keep having to adjust.. We're hanging in there. I've had a "Walk with Me Wednesday - Down Memory Lane" post brewing in my head for two weeks. I haven't been able to bring myself to sit down and type it out. I know I just need to do it but it's been difficult.. It's about the last time we really spent with Seth.. In the meantime, I clicked on something (somewhat randomly) on my computer this am and look what I was greeted by:



Is that the cutest little baby face you've ever seen? My friend Chantelle (another heart mom) did that for me... I think while Seth was in the hospital last time. That picture was taken when we (Seth & I) went up to see her & her daugther in July when Taty had her Fontan.. We put London (Taty's little sister) and Seth on the bed and Chantelle clicked away. ::sigh:: Such a sweet face. We love you & miss you, little "tough guy" Seth!!

Oh, I wanted to add something about commenting. Several people were having difficulty with or didn't want to register. I've changed comments so you can now leave an "anonymous" comment. Just click on the little button beside anonymous. (After you type in your comment and do the word recognition). Since I've made it so easy, you should now all leave me a hello telling me how adorable that picture of Seth is! Seriously, I would love to hear from anyone who continues to read my blog after my periodic long absences.

Edited to add: If you DO post "anonymously", please consider signing your name, especially if I know you! If you're truly anonymous and you want to remain that way, I can respect that. If I spend too many nights laying awake, wondering who "anonymous" is, I'll just go back to requiring registrations. So. Tee hee.

'Till next time then!

In Other Words Tuesday - Kindness

Have you ever noticed how many memes there are in Blogger Ville? I mean seriously, you could find MANY for every day of the week.. I'm trying out a few (did you notice?) and we'll see what happens.. If you all think I"m overextending your limits of readership, let me know okay?

So today.....



(Picture from Susan's blog at Forever His. Click on here to check out the rest of the "In Other Words" participants.)

Kind words.. Have YOU been the recipient of kind words? Do you pass them along? I love the thought of how EASY it is to hand them out and what a blessing to those who receive them. (Okay, it's not ALWAYS easy, sometimes, when I want to yell at my kids, kind words are farthest from my mind, but what a blessing for them if I can pause, pray, and manage to be kind.)

When Seth was in the hospital, especially at the end, we were surrounded by family and friends, people who loved us. And for the most part, the majority of these people were nice and respectful. But oh, the blessings of the kind words. I don't know that I even appreciated all the kind words spoken at the time but oh, as they echo now, how I cherish them.

One evening, as we stood around Seth's crib, one of the nurses commented "I think he's the healthiest looking single-ventricle I've ever seen" and the others nearby agreed. Honestly, at the time, I remember thinking "For all the good it did us." That was my hurting heart speaking. Now, I cling to the words that nurse took the time to speak out loud. It cost her nothing. But oh what the knowledge that we did the best WE could for Seth does for my husband and I. And my dear sweet friends, I am blessed by women who came around me and in not knowing what to say, or fearing being UNkind, simply said "I love you" and "I'm hurting too". The kindness in words, spoken, and tongues held when appropriate rings in my heart.

I long to be a giver of kind words. Furthermore, I long to be a giver of GODLY kind words. Lord, help me to boldly speak of Your will and Your love for others. Help me to be kind out loud.

Wha..? Wah.....

That would be my reaction earlier today when I read this. Well... that's not EXACTLY true. First I read an email from Lynnette and THEN I read that. Quick. click on it and go see. I"ll wait.

Are you back? Don't you think Kayleigh will be EXCITED? We won a BEAUTIFUL handmade doll from Baby Be Blessed! (Their button is over there on the side of my blog, check them out!). I"m hoping to have it in time for Kayleigh's birthday. Or maybe Valentine's Day. I haven't actually talked to the people at BbB yet.. MAYBE, just maybe, I can get the boys each one too. Wouldn't it be cool if they all had Seth dolls? With SCRIPTURE on them!! Did you know that about Baby be Blessed? ALL of their dolls, I believe all of their products, leave the shop with a scripture on them. What a wonderful way to share the Word of God. What a ministry. I"m so touched.

When I entered, it was Sunday night, I was comment #21. I really didn't think we had a chance to win. And I was okay with that. I knew if it was meant to be, God would take care of it. And here we are! Kayleigh will have a Baby be Blessed. I can NOT wait.

Stay tuned! I"ll be sure and share when we "meet" our little BbB darling!