Totally Annoying

So Nicolas Cage has a new movie coming out:



Have you seen the ad for this? In the last scene of the ad, Nicolas Cage's character is tucking his son into bed. And this adorable little boy says to his dad: "Are we going to die?". And do you KNOW what his dad says? He answers with: "I will NEVER let that happen." ARGH.

Everytime I see this commercial, I want to scream. "I will never let that happen." As. If. As if he has any control. As if he can make that promise. Of course, I remember being that comfortable with life. I remember thinking I had any kind of control.

:::Sigh:::

In June, I took the big boys to "Sibs Day" at the hospital. Usually they do it for oncology families but this year they opened it up to all families with a chronically ill child. The boys spent some time learning about blood (they LOVED that part) and discussing feelings they might have as our family was affected by Seth's medical condition. I got to spend some time in some sessions for parents and getting pampered by a "spa" afternoon. At the end of the day, I drove the boys home, all excited about the gifts they'd recieved (a backpack full of stuff, snacks, games, for when mom was busy with Seth) and what they'd learned. In the van, Sean said to me, "Mom, did you know that cancer is not contagious?". "Sean, I TOTALLY knew that. Did YOU know that Seth's heart defect is not contagious?" "Really?" Sean said.

That night, as I was tucking the boys into bed, the conversation continued. What I remember the most is that Sean asked me: "Could Seth die from this?". I wanted to say No. I wanted to assure him that Seth would be JUST fine. That we would have normal happy lives. Instead, I took a deep breath and answered as honestly as I could. "Yes, Sean, Seth COULD die from this. But mommy & daddy are doing the best we can, and we're giving him his medicines like we're supposed to and the doctor's are doing what they can. We pray and ask God to keep Seth healthy. But, yes, he could die."

I wish I could have said "I'll never let that happen."

I'm thankful that I was honest.

In Other Words Tuesday

Today's In Other Words Tuesday is being hosted by Patricia at Typing One-Handed. She chose the following quote:


What would happen if we stopped lamenting about the fifty things we can't control and focused our attention on the fifty thousand things we can control? What would happen if we stopped whining about things we have the power to change and finally took charge of our lives and changed them? What would happen if we stopped borrowing sorrow from tomorrow? If we got in the habit of asking ourselves, "What's on my plate today?"
~Karen Scalf Linamen
Chocolatherapy: Satisfying the Deepest Cravings of Your Inner Chick

I love this quote. It speaks to me about so many of the things I want to do in my life. To live simpler, to surrender the things beyond my control, to do what God calls me to do with the things IN my control, to raise my children to see a simpler life, to.. Oh, wait, I'm doing it again aren't I? I'm just elaborating on some of the things I want to/can/are trying to control. :::: Deep breath ::::

Truthfully, since Seth went to Heaven, some of this has just come into my life. I make a conscious effort to NOT focus on and worry about the "fifty things I can't control" (or more). Once Seth entered our lives, there was So much we could not control.. From being pregnant again to finding out he was "sick" in utero to his surgeries to outcome; we couldn't control any of it. Mind you, that didn't stop me from trying to figure out how to get the outcome I wanted. And that just caused undue, unnecessary stress. Once I just turned over to God the things I could not control (which pretty much involved everything at that point!), life just got a lot.. well, not EASIER but simpler.

It's such a valuable thing to learn to let go of that which we can't control. And that encompasses SO much of our lives... I'm so grateful that I am not God and I don't' have to worry about all those things.. Which leads me to the second half of that quote..

What if I stop worrying about ALL the things I CAN change and just do it? What if I ask myself "What's on my plate today?" and stop worrying about tomorrow?

This part? Not so good at... I've spent the last few months working on fighting off a "paralysis" of sorts. I struggle a bit with depression and it's been very hard to get anything done. I"m trying to improve that. I'm making some practical steps to help myself.

But to some degree, I have to believe that I'm doing the best I can in this season of my life. I am grateful to have a God so much bigger than me. Every day I put one foot in front of the other, get through the day the best that I can. If the kids are fed, safe and relatively clean, the day has been a good one. And I pray for God's help and strength to do it all again tomorrow!

Head over to Patricia's blog (by clicking the link at the top of this post) and see what others had to say about this thought provoking quote.

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

It's been awhile.. Let's see if I can remember how this works.

I did NOT get home from a wonderful vacation and THEN develop a common traveler's ailment that has kept me running to the bathroom most of the night. And if that had happen, I would most certainly NOT admit it here on my blog. Because that would just be wrong!

I did NOT wake up in the middle of the night, with a start, realizing I had forgotten things my kids said or did on our vacation that I was going to specifically remember. Of course this did not happen. Stuff I wanted to remember I would have WRITTEN down somewhere, right? (Written it down.. to remember. What a novel concept. Ha ha. Pun not intended!).

And the aforementioned stuff that I did not forget? I did not intend to remember it JUST to use it for blog fodder.

I did NOT lose patience with Kayleigh on our plane ride home and attempt to pretend that I did not own this small wiggly child sitting RIGHT next to me (and no other parent.. her & I in a 3 person row all alone).

I most certainly did NOT get frustrated with the lady in front of Kayleigh who kept turning to glare at me EVERY time Kayleigh even touched the back of the seat in front of her. I did not give that lady a piece of my mind telling her that we too paid for our seats and have every right to be on the half empty plane. If it bothered her so much, she could have moved into the empty exit row window seat directly in front of her. Actually, I really did NOT do that last part, but I wanted to!

And on THAT note of limited self restraint, I have a little girl begging me to find her princess hat. I think it's in the luggage which I did NOT leave laying in the middle of our living room floor all day yesterday.

Welcome home!

We're home! Today has been a lazy day.. I can't believe how wiped out we all were by that vacation.. Leland was the only one of us who actually got dressed!

Disclaimer: This isn't my house.
(I was going to post a picture of a glorious clean home but I can't get blogger to let me upload an image right now.)

BUT.. we were SO blessed to come home to a clean house. I have amazing wonderful girlfriends. My lazy day has been spent enjoying my clean house! Lucky me!!

Headed home

Today we leave all this behind:



and head back to our frozen home.

Can I admit that I'm dreading a few things? The cold, for one. This has been such a warm vacation. The blue sky does so much for morale. At home, in March, the sky will be gray, the ground will be gray. Sigh.

I worry that people will assume/wonder/hope that I'm "all better now". Uh, not so much. Seth's birthday is less than two weeks away. I'm dreading getting home and feeling exactly the same as I did before we left. There. I said it. THAT is my biggest fear.

I know I won't feel exactly the same. For the truth is, I am not exactly the same. I have, again, seen God's provision and grace in ways that I used to only imagine. I continue to be a woman with hope. And now? I know that my kids have hope that our life will go on. That we will have fun again. For have fun we did!

If you know me, be patient with me. With us. As much as I wish this journey was shorter, I think we still have a ways to go.

Interview with my kids

So a fun kid interview thing has hit a couple of my friends on Facebook.. I got tagged on it and thought I'd do it here to share with my four faithful readers (if you haven't given up on me after my recent three week absence).

Out of the mouths of babes come the darndest things...

Cut and paste these questions and ask your kids their answers....it is a RIOT!

****First answers are from Sean, age 10, second line, Cary age 7, third line, Kayleigh, age 3 (until she got bored & left, and her answers more reflect recent activities)*******


1. What is something Mommy always says to you?
I love you
Do your homework.
No.


2. What makes Mommy happy?
When me & Cary cooperate
When I don't do anything bad.
My smile

3. What makes Mommy sad?
When we don't cooperate
When Seth died
Cry

4. How does your Mommy make you laugh?
By tickling me.
I can't really say anything for that.. it's too hard to describe.
::: laughes :::::

5. What was your Mommy like as a child?
I don't know
that's why I don't know.
baby

6. How old is Mommy?
40
40, right?
big

7. How tall is Mommy?
I don't know
I don't know
big (holds hand up)

8. What is Mommy's favorite thing to do?
Spend time with us
Have a vacation
Give toys to baby Seth

9. What does Mommy do when you're not around?
I don't know, I'm not there to see.
Work on cleaning up the house
I go with my dad

10. If Mommy becomes famous, what will it be for?
Bringing world peace
for the poor, helping the poor kind of.
iron there

11. What is Mommy really good at?
Being a mom
typing
going to the beach and getting all dirty

12. What is Mommy not very good at?
Sports
planting


13. What does Mommy do for a job?
She's a secretary at church
work at the office of the church

14.What is Mommy's favorite food?
Something that I don't like
I can't say anything

15.What makes you proud of Mommy?
When she buys me something.
When she cleans my room for me.


16. If Mommy were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Sandy Cheeks (from SpongeBob)
Mrs. Mimi (a made up one)


17. What do you and Mommy do together?
We just spend time together
we laugh together


18. How are you and Mommy the same?
We both have glasses
there's nothing the same

19. How are you and Mommy different?
I'm a boy & she's a girl.
Because her eyes are blue and mine aren't

20. How do you know Mommy loves you?
Because she takes care of me.
Because she tells me.


21. What does Mommy like most about Daddy?
I don't know
I don't know


22. Where is Mommy's favorite place to go?
Church
San Diego


23. Who is Mommy's favorite person?
Me, no, God, God.. God.
Her kids

That was eye opening! I find it amusing that they answered the same questions as I don't know and regarding # 10, my kids have some big expectations!

Serious.Life Ezine

I wanted you to know about this publication I’m a part of called Serious.Life Magazine. They just published the March issue this week, and I am in their Featured Blog Directory. It’s a very high quality magazine… you’ll really like it.

The magazine includes a lot of great content from bloggers you’ll appreciate, as well as great features, photos and other content. The magazine is owned and published by a family who have seven kids, three adopted and one who has Leukemia (www.riggsfamilyblog.com). The magazine gives away a bunch of ads to charities and ministries. Besides great articles on interesting people, there is a lot about family, adoption, personal finance, spiritual life, humor… all sorts of “life” topics.

Again, the subscription is FREE, and I know you’ll enjoy the magazine, so take a minute to check it out and sign up to get future issues.