Monday, September 6, 2010
I want to want to...
And no, that's not a typo in my header. I'll get to explaining that in a moment. First, I am hosting In Other Words Tuesday again! And I'm late because the holiday threw me off. So upward and onward we go:
Stop fighting, stop resisting, stop complaining and start trusting your sovereign Heavenly Father; refuse to worry.
When I first saw this quote, what really caught my eye was: start trusting... refuse to worry. I remember thinking, somewhat arrogantly, "Oh, yeah, I've got that down. I trust God, I'm not worried about much of anything anymore." This was probably four months ago. I don't know if I was in a better spot then or just ignoring my problems. I mean, I don't really worry much since Seth went to Heaven. I tend to lean along "I certainly don't welcome loss, but we've survived it by the grace of God.". But these days, I am very convicted by the beginning of that quote:
Stop fighting, stop resisting, stop complaining. I try not to complain much. I would say that i am moderately successful at that. But oh, I fight, and I resist. As we approach the two year anniversary of Seth going to Heaven, I still fight and resist this path. On a regular basis, I find myself pleading for my baby. And God speaks to my heart: Stop Resisting. Start trusting your sovereign heavenly Father.
Start trusting my sovereign heavenly Father. Here's my take on that. I know that we live in a fallen sinful world. Things happen, like babies being born with broken hearts, as a consequence of sin in this world (not necessarily MY sin, that's not what I'm saying, sin overall). BUT if I believe our Lord is sovereign, and I do, and if I believe that sovereignty means our Lord has power over all, and I do, then I must believe that things unfold in this world the way they are meant to under God's sovereignty. Which basically means, things are exactly as they should be. And that, my friends, I fight and resist and complain. Because I fail to trust God.
I fail to believe that all things happen for the glory of God. That my heavenly Father is the redeemer of all situations. I fight and resist and carry on instead of trusting. But, here's the other part of it. I WANT to trust. And on days when I can't bring myself to lay down my longing for my son, I simply want to WANT to trust God. God knows that I am a mere fallen human living in a fallen world. He holds me up so that I am able to trust Him. But it is MY duty in that to stop fighting, stop resisting, stop complaining and refuse to worry. I trust in the Lord, and rest in His peace.
"You, Lord, give true peace to those who depend on you, because they trust you. So, trust the Lord always because
He is our rock forever."