Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Middle of the night musings...

I haven't been feeling well. I slept for HOURS upon HOURS yesterday. Tonight, sleep won't come easy.

I am sitting here, in the quiet of my house, in the middle of the night. My brain is whirring and many thoughts are coming to me...

Thoughts of Seth.

Thoughts of Cora. Cora died in her mother's arms at 5 days old from an undiagnosed heart defect. Cora's mom, Kristine, spreads Cora's story and saves lives.

Thoughts of Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn died last week in the arms of her parents. She had HLHS (like Seth) and was also a stroke survivor. Her little body fought long and hard (Kaitlyn was 3) and she ultimately couldn't overcome the lung clot that took her life.

Thoughts of Dakota & Mizuko. Dakota entered our world still years before I came to know his mama.. and his baby brother, Mizuko, just recently entered his parents' realm and left all too soon. Kara helps other hurting mamas become comfortable again in their own skins. Or at least that's what she's done for me.

Thoughts of Ewan. Ewan had a congenital heart defect with severe complications. He graced our world for 14 days. His mama has beautifully shared him with so many people she doesn't even know.

Honestly, Ewan's mama is mostly where my thoughts and heart are. We've never met. We just recently became facebook friends. She lives closer to me than most people I've met in the CHD (Congenital Heart Defect) Community. But at the same time, she is across the state. Too far for me to go and sit with her in silence. And so I sit, these hundreds of miles away. But I want her to know..

I want her to know that sweet Ewan will not be forgotten. That her bravery and honor and grace are noticed and esteemed. That other mama's know, she fought the hard fight, and we know the anguish she feels now that the fight is over. But mostly I want to thank her for sharing her little warrior with the rest of the world.

Ewan Eliezer means God's grace and God is my help. God's grace and help was with Ewan. May it be with Kirstin. May it be with us all.

As we sit in silence.


Lucy and Ethel said...

While I'd much prefer no need for a connection to other moms (and dads) in the 'same shoes' regarding devastating special needs and/or death of a child, how thankful I am that it IS possible to connect.

Sending big hugs and prayers your way and to all the other HLHS families....


JD said...

I just wanted to quietly let you know that I was here, that I'm thinking of you and Seth, as well as all the moms and parents who are missing their precious children.

You are loved... and you're not alone.

likeschocolate said...

My heart aches too for all these other parent's who have lost a child. No parent should have to go throught that. Hope you are feeling better today.

Kara aka Mother Henna said...

((((((((((hugs to you, K!!)))))) Those silent nights when I find myself alone in a sleeping house, sleeping neighborhood, sleeping island...for awhile there I was able to use the time to make art art art. But since Mizuko died, those have just been long nights. Restless thoughts. Trying to find my own way back to my skin again, I guess :) Here's to peaceful vibes for all of us in the wee hours.... xoxo k-

Kimberly said...

I came over here from Lysa's. I saw your comment, and my heart just ached for you. I had no idea how many precious babies were born with heart defects until one of my friends had a sweet little baby girl born needing immediate heart surgery.

I don't know you, but as a momma and as a friend to a "heart mom" I still just wanted to come by and give you as much of a hug that I can give via computer.

I know lives are blessed by your willingness to share your journey.
Love and prayers,

Debbie said...

Oh you truly have such a caring heart. There's nothing like being a comfort to someone when you've been there yourself.

I don't know if you knew that I was born in 1953 with a congenital heart defect. I had open heart surgery in 1960 but I am very healthy now.

Thank you for your kind comments on Heart Choices.

Blessings and love,