Thursday, November 18, 2010

An Open Letter...

Dear Seth,

I thought of you today.

That's no surprise. I think of you EVERY day. Every minute really. To NOT think of you, would be the surprise. Just as Sean, Cary, and Kayleigh are always on my mind, so are you. It's odd, of course. People expect me to think of Sean and Cary and Kayleigh. For reasons I don't understand, the fact that I think of YOU, just as I do your siblings, seems to make others uncomfortable. But, sweet boy, that's a post for another day.

It's different, my writing to you. It's not an unusual format. Kristine wrote to Cora. Jill writes to Joshua. Kim writes to Ewan. It's just not something I'd done, before now.

Honestly, I think it was too hard. I talked to you all the time, in my head. Oh, I know you don't hear me. I would much rather think of you playing in Heaven, at Jesus' feet, than seeing us be sad for you. I think that's part of why I didn't' write before actually. It doesn't seem "mom-like" to write you a letter about how sad we've been without you. So why am I writing today?

I want you to know, I want the world to know, that we are finding joy. Seth, I am finding joy. And as I find my joy again, our family finds joy again.

YOU know, Seth, better than I, how faithful and true God is. And God has, IS restoring our joy. YOU remain a part of that, Seth. There is joy in having been your mom, in BEING your mom. Seth, I feel like I finally appreciate what a gift you have been. I am SO, so grateful.

That, sweet boy, is why I'm writing to you. I wanted you to know. With the grace of God, blessings of God, we are figuring out joy again. Happiness is in our home.

I love you, sweet Seth, and thank God for you every day.

Missing you always, and grateful for your presence in our lives,


Karin said...

That is just beautiful, Kathryn. So beautiful! xox

Marsha Young said...

Kathryn, Only God knows the depth of a grieving mother's heart. But someone told me once that however deep our grief or loss here in this life, our joy in the hext life will be in proportion, and even greater. I believe that. God bless you....Marsha Y.

Shannon said...

He would be so happy to hear this, Kathryn. Absolutely beautiful. I can feel your heart in it. As my cheeks warm with tears.

KatScarlett said...

I have happy tears in my eyes reading this Kathryn. I am so happy to read this and hear this. It warms my heart.

Lisette said...

Simply beautiful!

Robynbeth said...


Holly said...

Sometimes it feels good to write them letters and I'm glad you shared yours. I know Seth would be happy you are finding joy again.

Katie Orr said...


Thank you for sharing this!