Friday, January 9, 2009

God is good.

All. the. time.

There are so many interesting (for lack of a better word) things to learn on this journey called "grief". One of the thing that amazes me is how I can be gob-smacked (I'm sure I've heard that word somewhere) out of nowhere. Like tonight.

I was at a sports practice of Sean's. Cary & Kayleigh were running around like little maniacs. A woman came in and sat down a little ways from us with her beautiful baby boy. Pretty soon, Kayleigh was over there; smiling at baby, touching him, holding his hand. Every now & then she would say something but from where I was sitting, I couldn't make out the words. I moved closer to keep tabs on the situation. Kayleigh ran off. The mom & I said "Hi", made some small talk. I introduced myself; here, we'll call her Mary & baby, N. I took a deep breath and asked how old baby N is.

"Nine months."
"So, March... ?"
"March 27th."

Silence. Honestly, I felt sucker punched. That baby is Seth's age. To. The. Day.

I sat there, debating whether or not to say anything. What to say anyway? "Oh, Your beautiful baby has the same birthday as my dead one." No, that's not quite right. "My baby was born that day too.." But then to explain where he is now?

Here's Kayleigh again, touching baby, holding his hand. She kept looking at him, like she KNEW that he should be/could be "her baby 'feth'". M said to Kayleigh, "You're very good with babies". Ah, here it is, my opening. I took a deep breath, "well, she had a little brother at home and he died".

And this is where God shows up, trumpets practically blaring! M had a baby boy die too and he would be two years old tomorrow. How amazing is God? I'm sitting there, sucker-punched, wounded, missing my baby boy so badly I almost can NOT breathe, and sitting next to me, is a woman who knows my pain. We had a blessed conversation from that point. She shared her story. I happened to have a little photo book (of Seth & family) my friend, J, sent me at Christmas which I shared. I have an open invitation to hold sweet N whenever I'd like to, and if I wouldn't, that's okay too.

It amazes me how God uses this journey. As much as it hurts, it's exciting to see where He leads and how this will be used for His good in our lives!


Steph said...

What a great end to such a difficult moment. I still find it hard to know when and how to explain that my daughter died. The question, "How many kids do you have?" is so awkward to me now. What a blessing to have met someone who understood in that moment.

Hope you're doing ok.

Cathey said...

Oh, yes! God continues to bring just the right person at just the right moment. The awkwardness that Steph describes is something all we who have lost a child know well. But it does get easier. God is healing that giant hole in your heart a teeny bit every moment of every day....

Robynbeth said...

Yes, God is good all the time, and all the time God is good. As the poet Langston Hughes once said, we see the rainbows through the dust.

KatScarlett said...

God works in mysterious ways and touches in soul in unexpected and quiet ways sometimes. I'm so glad that you were able to talk to M and have someone to talk to that REALLY understands. Still lifting all of you up in prayer every day.

Ter said...

I'm glad that meeting turned out in a positive outcome.

And one thing I have learned on MY journey, is that there are more bereaved parents than we may think.

Cathey said...

For a further blessing, check out my niece's blog at "The State of My Dollhouse" - the post entitled, "It is Well With My Soul".

Kristin said...

Wow, that is just an amazing story. Congrats on winning Lynnette's giveaway!

Emily said...

I love this story. So many times we are hurt by seeing babies and pregnant women, and it is easy to forget we are often also sometimes seeing mom's missing their babies. We do not know the pain and trials others are going through. Thanks for sharing this story with us.

peace- emily

Rachel...finding joy... said...

Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you also for being bold in your vulnerability. I had tears as I read your post.



Lynnette Kraft said...

Our Lord is so amazing and loving. Isn't it just precious how he orchestrated this whole beautiful event?

Upon reading your post, I'm reminded of those days in my life. They are difficult days and my heart goes out to you Kathryn.

I'm sorry that you're missing Seth and that the grief is so fresh. They are hard but rewarding days - God is near to the broken-hearted.