Friday, October 17, 2008

Another day..




So, yesterday we said our final goodbye to our sweet baby boy and buried our son. And appropriately enough, in a week that had so far been sunny days (which at least make it a little easier to get going), yesterday was cloudy. It's so interesting to walk this journey. I'm discovering a confluence of what I think it should look like, what I think others think it should look like, and what it actually looks like. For example, the burial yesterday just didn' t seem that difficult (I'm fully aware that a big part of this is that I"m still numb and in shock). What DID hit me the most though, was the visitation. I realized with a jolt that this was the last time I would see Seth.


Wait, let me correct that last statement. NOT the last time I would SEE Seth. I firmly believe that we WILL see Seth again in Heaven. I also do not claim to have any idea what that looks like. Given how broken our earthly bodies can be (and Seth's was, inside at least), I don't tend to think we'll see each other looking like we do here. And of course we have pictures and I'll see Seth in those. That was the last time I would see his sweet little body and I will not have the joy of holding him in my arms, smelling his sweet head. I confess that is a hard pill to swallow.


But today, today is a new day. Today is the day we celebrate what we did have of Seth's life. While I can't say I am looking forward to it, I can share that today the sun shines and the clouds have dissipated (for now anyway).


And with all praise to our Lord (and this will really mean something to those who know me well), today I awoke with a song in my heart. "Saviour, He can move the mountains. My God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save. Forever, Author of salvation. He rose and conquered the grave. Jesus conquered the grave." (Ben Fielding & Reuben Morgan).

7 comments:

Chaffin Family said...

Kathryn God has given you the gift of words. You are able to express yourself so beautifully. I hope you keep all your posts in some kind of a journal. I think God will use your words someday to help someone else who walks this same road as you are on right now. I am sorry for your pain yesterday and yet I look forward in celebrating Seth today and I take joy knowing that Jesus is rocking him.

Love you Kim

Cathey said...

And the healing begins.....times when you realize you can make it, that you do feel okay (even if only briefly), moments when God put a song in your heart give hope for days ahead. There will be more and more breaks of sunshine in the dark clouds. Let them come....

Cathey said...

Beware the HTIs today!!!!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Kathryn, I have been thinking of you, praying for you and your family every day. Please know that I am here for you in spirit - and you know where to find me if you need an ear or shoulder.

Millie said...

My prayers are with you. Praying for peace for you and your family. I'm so sorry that precious Seth is no longer with you, but he will forever remain in your heart. He will never be forgotten.
Millie and Colin-HLHS

Robynbeth said...

Even though I never had the chance to hold him, I will never forget Seth. He was a blessing, and I am so thankful I had the opportunity to know him.
I love you, and my prayers are with you.

Jenn said...

Kathryn,
Thank you for continuing to share your journey here. "Mighty to Save" is one of our songs for our little heart baby. The fact that you are still singing it is a real testimony to your trusting God, regardless of the circumstances. I will continue to pray for your family.

-Jenn