Friday, October 17, 2008
So, yesterday we said our final goodbye to our sweet baby boy and buried our son. And appropriately enough, in a week that had so far been sunny days (which at least make it a little easier to get going), yesterday was cloudy. It's so interesting to walk this journey. I'm discovering a confluence of what I think it should look like, what I think others think it should look like, and what it actually looks like. For example, the burial yesterday just didn' t seem that difficult (I'm fully aware that a big part of this is that I"m still numb and in shock). What DID hit me the most though, was the visitation. I realized with a jolt that this was the last time I would see Seth.
Wait, let me correct that last statement. NOT the last time I would SEE Seth. I firmly believe that we WILL see Seth again in Heaven. I also do not claim to have any idea what that looks like. Given how broken our earthly bodies can be (and Seth's was, inside at least), I don't tend to think we'll see each other looking like we do here. And of course we have pictures and I'll see Seth in those. That was the last time I would see his sweet little body and I will not have the joy of holding him in my arms, smelling his sweet head. I confess that is a hard pill to swallow.
But today, today is a new day. Today is the day we celebrate what we did have of Seth's life. While I can't say I am looking forward to it, I can share that today the sun shines and the clouds have dissipated (for now anyway).
And with all praise to our Lord (and this will really mean something to those who know me well), today I awoke with a song in my heart. "Saviour, He can move the mountains. My God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save. Forever, Author of salvation. He rose and conquered the grave. Jesus conquered the grave." (Ben Fielding & Reuben Morgan).