Saturday, October 25, 2008

Sorting it out

So, I haven't posted lately. (Duh). I'm struggling just a bit (Duh, again).

When I started this blog, I told my big kids (read: Sean & Cary) that "No, this would not be ALL about Seth." "Yes, this will be about our WHOLE family". Honestly, I intended for this to be a place that I could update people - friends, family, other interested parties - on how Seth was doing. We'd be able to share his milestones here, etc. Okay. So. Not so much.

I'm struggling to figure out where exactly I'm going with this whole blog now. Maybe I should just throw in the towel? I figure by now I've lost any readership I'd managed to attract (yup, all four of you).

And then I realized something.

I need to rethink ALL of it. Not just the blog. Everything. I'm the mom of four children with only three to actively parent. I don't know what that looks like. Sean has TWO younger brothers. Cary is the "luckiest" (as we tell him) because he has a big brother AND a little brother. Kayleigh is NOT the youngest member of our family. I just mentioned to a friend yesterday that I want Kayleigh to KNOW that she IS a big sister. I don't know what any of this looks like.

So, apparently, for now, this blog is a metaphor of my life. I guess that we'll figure it out together. God, my husband, I and the kids. And as best I can, we'll let you come along for the ride. Hang on! I don't know what's around the next bend!

Your own ears will hear him. Right behind you a voice will say, “This is the way you should go,” whether to the right or to the left. Isaiah 30:21


Robynbeth said...

I am going to send this to my mom, because I know she will be understand. Yes, I was raised as an "only child", but we don't identify that lable. Jennifer was real, and she is still my sister even though I never knew her. My parents and I, even after 37 years, say her name, and we remind people of her life. Yes, I have a sister, but I won't meet her until my journey is over. My children know about their aunt and they are learning to honor her memory, and I have promised my mother that her life will never be forgotten or taken for granted. Love always remains, and every time we watch Hannah's mannerisms we see how life moves and flows. She look and acts like her aunt, and that is a good thing.
Prayers going out,

Keith said...

Speaking from my perspective..... It is a journey we do not wish on anyone, only God knows. I can tell you there is light at the end of the tunnel. Coffee anyone???

Chaffin Family said...

Kathryn, I hope that you do what ever feels best with your heart about the blog. I love reading what you have to say and to hear about your kids would be wonderful, however if part of your healing is to end your blog then only you can make that and all of us who love you so much will understand totally. Spend some time with God (okay, I now you already are) and let him guide your heart on this. Love you tons, Kim

I'm the Mom said...

It's good to hear from you. I hope you continue to blog. It may be helpful as you heal but if you decide to stop it is understandable. I thank God everyday for Noah and his health as I know things can turn in a second. (as it is with all of us really) Just remember we are thinking of you and praying for your family. Heart Hugs!

Kathryn @ Expectant Hearts said...

robynbeth & Keith, thank you for sharing your experience.. I"m really struggling today with "it's only been two weeks and it feels like he didn't even exist." This is SO hard. (Duh.).

Kathryn @ Expectant Hearts said...

Kim & i'm the mom,
Thank you for your comments. Good to know I haven't scared off all my readers (yet). At this point, I think I will be blogging.. we'll just have to see what that looks like!

L Harris said...

I can't wait to continue with you on this ride. I'm adding you to my list. I have 6 children, but only 5 to actively parent. (I like your wording by the way.) I want the little ones to know about their brother and I don't want the oldest 2 to ever forget. Every year on his birthday, we have a birthday party. Usually just cake. This year was year 5. :)